Adventures of Daisuke with a Straw
by peach feet
Summary: A bit of behind-closed-doors hilarity.


_Adventures of Daisuke with a "Straw"_

**Disclaimer: No Niwas were harmed in the writing of this story.**

**Lord Scribbles made me do it.**

One fine afternoon, Takeshi, Risa, and Riku were walking down the lane to Daisuke's house. Well, actually, it wasn't fine, it was raining. But some people like the rain. I am one of those people. But anyway… Daisuke hadn't been there that day, so they, out of their kind little hearts, were paying him a visit. Takeshi knocked on the door, and Emiko answered.

"Hello there!! Come to see Daisuke, I presume?" she beamed. When they nodded, she frowned, and started to fumble her way along the wall.

"Sorry, you guys, just let me turn off the lasers…oh yes, and the swinging knives…Ah! Here we are. Come on in!"

Glancing nervously at each other, they stepped gingerly into the room, and gasped. The living room was literally packed with rare art! There were sculptures, and—

"Good LORD, is that the MONA LISA??" Takeshi shouted excitedly.

"Erm, yes, it is…but don't ask how we got it dear, it was…a long story…" Emiko said evasively. As Emiko led them up the stairs, she explained the origin of each piece.

"Wow, Mrs. Niwa! These must have cost you a fortune!" Takeshi breathed, drooling all over a rare Picasso. Emiko laughed nervously.

"Well, yes…you'd think so…heh…heh… Oh! Now here we are…have fun!" she hurriedly left them by the closed door of Daisuke's room.

"Well, that was…ok, so let's go in!" Risa said. Takeshi put his ear to the door, and raised his fist to knock, but Riku was standing with her ear to the door, frowning.

"Riku, what are you—OWWWW!!" Riku punched Takeshi, whispering: "Not now, listen!!"

"What? Wh—"

"SHHH!!!" Riku punched him in the ribs again, causing him to fall over and wheeze in pain. She dragged Risa up to the door, and they both listened intently. It appeared that Daisuke already had a visitor… "It's SATOSHI!!" Risa mouthed. Riku glanced at her with wide eyes, and bit her lip.

"I brought a little something for you, Daisuke…" Satoshi was heard to say.

"Oh wow! What is—oh! What in the name of—"

"Let's do it!" Risa raised her eyebrows.

"Um, ok. But you'll have to show me how, I'm not sure how to. I've never done this before.." Daisuke said worriedly.

"Don't worry, I'm a pro at this sort of thing. I work in the industry, you see." Satoshi said. Riku stuck a finger in her ear to clean it out, just to be sure of what she was hearing. Takeshi got up, and stood next to Riku, only to be elbowed in the ribs accidentally, as she turned back to the door. Satoshi was evidently explaining what it was they were doing, but they missed that part, unfortunately.

"So what you do, is you stick yours right in here, until it feels right. You don't want any bubbles yet!" Satoshi said. Takeshi dropped his jaw.

"Ohhh…like this?" A grunting sound could be heard.

"Noooo, not that HARD! You'll spill that stuff all over, and it's sticky—oh, NOW look what you've done! That stuff is precious to the Hikari clan, you know!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I got a little bit carried away…" Takeshi mouthed: "What the hell?!" Risa and Riku giggled silently. Risa internally praised and thanked her woman's intuition for rejecting Daisuke that one time.

"Don't worry about it, we'll clean it up when you've done it right! Anyway, let's try again. Now stick your…thingy in right there, on the side. It's best for a clean insert." Another grunting sound. "Great, Daisuke! That's perfect! Oh yeah, you're gasp good at this!" Takeshi keeled over in a dead faint. Risa stuffed her shirt into her mouth to keep from laughing. Riku had to jump up and down and shake herself before she was somewhat composed.

"Thanks, Satoshi! Now I'll be ready for a date! These tricks will make the girls line up for me! "

"And guys too… now I have to go. I'll see you around, Daisuke."

"Thanks for coming! I feel special now!"

"I'm sure you do. Glad to help." The doorknob turned, and then Satoshi stood there, as Risa and Riku fell inside the room, laughing their arses off.

"Wow, Daisuke! You two are so cute together!!"

"What do you mean…?" Daisuke stammered, blushing.

"What do _you_ mean?" Risa asked. "I mean, it's alright with me if you're gay, but why did you try and pretend you weren't? I mean, being gay is—"

"RISA! I'm not GAY!"

"Oh come on, Daisuke. Don't be ashamed! You look great with Satoshi!" Riku added, viciously.

"But I'm not—"

"He's not gay. And neither am I. In fact, I like girls who look good in kimonos, and not many secrets."

"Daisuke could look pretty darn cute in a kimono!" Risa mused.

"BUT I'M NOT GAY!!! WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT I WAS GAY???!!"

"What do you mean!?! We caught you red-handed! We were listening outside the door, the whole time!"

"Listening…" Satoshi prompted.

"To you two…making BABIES!!" Takeshi gasped, as he woke up finally. "Summoning the STORK! DOING it! Making LOVE!"

"Ok, ok ok!! We GET it! but we weren't…what are you TALKING about?!" Daisuke stammered, thoroughly bewildered.

"You….you said to….stick his THING in your…ARRRGH!!! It's too disturbing!" Takeshi wailed. Satoshi and Daisuke glanced at each other.

"Um, I gave him bubble tea." Said Satoshi. Daisuke pulled out his cup full of honeydew goodness. "It's a Hikari recipe, and he spilled it all over the floor, but it's ok. Good LORD you people have sick minds!" he left.

"I don't get it…" muttered Daisuke.

Then they all burst out laughing.

"What?!"

**--peach feet—**


End file.
